09/02/2020
I occasionally browse the BBC News website, trying to keep up to date with news that may, or perhaps more usually is not, of interest. This evening, a headline stood out to me as rather disturbing:
'I didn't know it was abuse until I nearly died'
All abuse is wrong. But sadly, many of us have been a victim of such behaviour at some point in our lives. Some suffer from one form of abuse, others from multiple forms.
Reading Abi's story (which you can do by clicking on her picture above) wasn't pleasant, unsurprisingly, and it left me wondering why abusers are able to get away with their campaigns of aggression.
How does someone become the type of monster who abuses someone who is supposed to be close to them; someone they are supposed to care about?
It would appear that the abusers are adept at hiding the abuse; at seeming to be loving and attentive when I group situations, and the victims seem either afraid or unwilling to speak to others about their suffering.
If anyone is ever suspicious that someone is suffering abuse, I would urge them to try to talk to the victim and offer them support; even if it is just someone to talk to.
Police in Crewe and Macclesfield are taking steps to improve things for the victims.
From what I understand, when the police attend a domestic violence callout and arrest a perpetrator, the officers have to first take him or her to custody. Then, some time later, they would return to see the victim and take statements. By this time, they had frequently decided against pressing charges. This might be through fear, or misplaced loyalty.
Det Insp Claire Jesson of Cheshire Police, together with a student on a placement from Cheshire University, came up with an alternative process. Instead of leaving the victim alone for several hours after taking the perpetrator away, they would send a dedicated domestic abuse officer to every incident. That officer would remain with the victim and talk through the options for seeking help..
An initial pilot programme started in Crewe in June 2019 and is now also being tried in Macclesfield. Det Insp Jesson explained, "From the minute they go through the door, they're [the dedicated domestic abuse officer] there for the victim. So we're building that rapport from the off."
This police action, protecting the victims and trying to bring an end to their suffering, is something that would be wonderful to see rolled out nationwide.
Domestic abuse is inexcusable and it would be fantastic if we could actually work towards eradicating it.
Keri Nixon, a forensic psychologist, has said "Most of the time, the perpetrators I've worked with grew up witnessing domestic abuse," in trying to explain why abusers act in the way that they do. "Sometimes you have perpetrators who have that very narcissistic personality, whose mother made them feel that they were the best thing ever. When they were told off, they defended them. It was almost like, 'My son can do no wrong.' And they created this narcissistic monster who thinks that they can just waltz through life getting their own way."
"...If that kind of guy also witnessed domestic abuse, it's very likely that they're going to be abusive in their relationship and not take any responsibility. So when they get let out of prison, it's 'not their fault'. So they'll get into another relationship and they'll wine and they'll dine and they'll charm, and they'll make that woman fall in love with them and then the pattern will start again."
"I've worked on a case where a woman got her head repeatedly bashed against the bath until she was nearly dead, a case where a woman was stabbed and then stood up in court and defended her attacker because she was at the point where she couldn't leave," she said
These vulnerable victims need support.
I hope they receive it.
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